Archive for the ‘animals’ Category

Canadian Geese
November 14, 2007

Guess what I hate? fucking canadian geese.  yeah you didn’t see that one coming did you?  Lets break down my life.

Time line of Goose Hatred

Age 4 – I’m feeding the birds (geese don’t count as birds) some bread.  I’m having a wonderful day until a shitload of geese start attacking me. I think one of the giant ones even tried to sling its face at my bread in an attempt to steal some.  Of course I started crying and my mom comforted me.  That is when it all began…


Age 10 – I’m riding my bike in the park with my friend.  Stupid ass geese see me coming and tell themselves it’s a good time to cross the road.  I run over one of their necks.   I hear a loud honk and the next thing I know I’m on the ground bleeding.  Fucking geese made me bleed.

Age 21 – I’m driving my car to college.  I see some geese in the middle of the road.  I honk my horn to get them to move.   What do they do? They stand in the middle of the fucking road and open their mouths and start making stupid noises.  I hold the horn down for 15 seconds and the things finally start to move away.  Stupid geese don’t realize their lives are in my hands.  I’d love to just take a bite out of one of their necks to send a message to the other ones.

and that is why Canadian geese piss me off. The End