Gym Rant (continued)

Since I love making lists, i’m going to list everything I hate about my college gym.

1. Douche bags – Yes, every college has their share of douchebags.. and where do douchebags go when they aren’t drinking beer and shouting “Spring Break!!!”? THE GYM. They are all over. There are these two guys that we call none other than “the douchebags” and they pretty much live at the gym. The weird thing is that they never look any stronger and its been like 3 years. Get a new routine, gentlemen.

2. Sluts – Alright, i’m all for girls wearing skimpy clothes. Its HOT. But shit, if you are going to have your ass hanging out of your shorts, put a fucking towel on the seat that you sit. I don’t want to be sitting in your skanky ass juices when i’m trying to bulk up. On a second note, do more bending over on the mats. I love that.

3. Loud ass music – I know the music at the gym is supposed to get everyone pumped and all that. But seriously, our music is so fucking loud, I can’t even talk to the person next to me. Its not like Jock Jam shit either, its like hardcore death metal. Not everyone wants to hear screaming the entire time they are trying to work out. I’m running out of aspirin.

4. Pedophile guys – If you are an adult male that wants to work out at a college gym, don’t look like a pedophile. We have this one guy we call “Chimo”. That is short for “child molester”. This guy wears purple shorts and a tie dye shirt. Basically, his work out consists of sitting on a bench, chewing gum, and staring at everyone. That is some creepy shit buddy. Either work out or get out. I don’t want to find my ass up on youtube cause you were secretly recording it with your cell phone.

5. One upping people – It happens all the time. I’m doing 2 plates.. the guy next to me does 3 plates. I’m doing 3 plates, the guy next to me does 3 and a little more. Dude seriously. I hate you.

6. Locker room cocks out – I realize its a locker room and all but shit. theres no reason to walk around the locker room for a half hour with your cock out. I realize its your chance to show it off to other dudes and all, but knock it off and put that thing back in its cage. No one wants to see that… besides chimo and maybe Romi.

7. “How many sets you got left?” – People ask that question to show they are eager to get on the machine you are using. I usually make up a number and see what they do. Last time I told him I was going to do 2, see how I feel, and do another 7. That pisses them off.. The thing is that most of the time, the average person does not spend more than 10 minutes doing a single exercise.. so if you can wait on average 5 minutes, you should not need to ask that.

Ahhhh that felt good!

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22 Responses

  1. This was hilarious. “Chimo” got me rolling. Thanks for posting. Cheers!

  2. Hahahaha.

    Dude the gym sucks balls. I’m glad my work has it’s own workout room. Plus that shit is free.

    You seriously need to post more, this is some funny ass shit.

  3. Chimo is certainly a new term for me. I’m gonna steal it and make it a big-time word in Australia.

  4. Skanky a55 juices…heh! “Chimo” is a good one, love it!

    Gyms seem to have their own little sub-culture don’t they? I obviously don’t go to them though, lol!

  5. steve – yeah if I had my own workout room, i’d be in there by myself all the time. and i’d be perfectly fine with low volume music.

    wendy – god damn right. i want the new aussie phrase to be “chimo” and not “shrimp on the bawbie”

    cheetah – its cute that you didnt want to write ass but you wrote a55.

  6. Ass juice. Ick.

  7. This is probably the best list I’ve ever read.

  8. thanks bronson. you the man

  9. great post,

    but why are you and Bronson so gay for each other? suck it up dudes.

  10. each – is our neverending affection for eachother a problem with you? be glad I haven’t posted our secret pictures.

  11. Appreciating one’s artistry and words doesn’t mean I want their cock in my mouth.

    Maybe if he had a vagina.

  12. LOL

  13. What the hell?

    No cocks in other guys mouths.

  14. What about the fact that you have to work out? That’s right up there as far as im concerned

  15. Hahahaa…I love that as I was reading the one about “locker room cocks out”, I involuntarily started drooling, and sure enough, you referenced me! Hahaha…good call Pessimist, you know me so well! 🙂

    And oh my god the chimo is so creepy, the chewing gum thing just took his “chimo danger-factor” off the charts…ugh…

  16. Your list is pretty sweet.

    I hate loud grunters. There is no reason to sound like a porn star busting a nut when you work out.

    I also hate cocks in the locker room. I remember in HS my principal would walk around swinging in his 15 incher and then try to talk to me while it’s hanging there. I hate that shit. It’s weird.

    This post reminded of a guy at my old gym who used to get on machines and the call himself fat ass and bitch and stuff like that to help get himself motivated. It used to crack me up.

  17. romi – yeah the chewing gum MAKES him. its the first thing I think of when i picture him. its mad creepy.

    sexual – dude i totally forgot about loud grunting. shit.. i wish i could have remembered that. this one guy does that shit and it echos through out the place. what a cunt.

  18. Saying a55 instead makes me feel oh so much more proper. Heh. Sometimes I say “azz” instead…when I am feeling super bad.

  19. nah, i cant hate on the un-gay love one man has for another. its just too rare.
    love on brothers, love on…

  20. Funny and educational. You mean cock out for no reason, and for long period of time? Why? Gives me the chills and your pedophile tracking, well ehat can be said? what do you like about the Gym? Veronica

  21. yeah.. i mean its a locker room so its understood.. but people just walk around and are in no hurry to get dressed. basically everything else about the gym that I did not mention is good 🙂

  22. Hahaha that post was awesome! and is prompting me to say,
    “Rock out with your cock out!!”

    ahem…sorry. couldn’t help myself.

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