Gym equipment you will never see me on

I have started going to the gym pretty consistently in hopes of building more muscle so random girls start asking me to have sex with them.  I tend to concentrate on dumbbell exercises cause they are easy and pretty self explanatory.  So anyway, my friend asked me if I wanted to do some cardio stuff like exercise bikes and treadmills.  After he pleads for like 10 minutes like a homosexual, I give in.

I start to look around.. I see a whole shitload of girls.  It’s almost an ocean of girls riding bikes and running on treadmills..  But wait WTF?  There are other things. They aren’t treadmills or exercise bikes.. I don’t know what they are.  They look like this:

I think I asked my friend what it was and he said it was a parabolical or something like that.  I don’t know and I don’t care because that is a math term and it is not a piece of exercise equipment.  The circular motion of the girls legs sort of angered me in a way I can’t describe.   I sort of wanted to have angry sex with her.

Now the escalator machine actually gets your legs stronger but no one uses it. Why? because climbing an infinite staircase to exhaustion is not fun.  Here is a girl with blue hair on one of them.

Last but not least I saw what appeared to be a group of students praying on the mats.  I got closer to them and saw they werent praying at all, but instead they had wheels in front of them and they were going back and forth with these wheels.  I had to ask myself “why?”

I’m pretty sure I could find something better the girl in the top picture could be doing.. 😉

As for the girl in the bottom picture, WTF is that?


16 Responses

  1. Treadmills are worthless unless you work out in the gym’s front window, so everybody knows you’re exercising.

  2. Haha, the elipticals (that’s what they’re called) make you want to have angry sex. That is hilarious, I love it.
    Everybody looks stupid at the gym. You’re either running on the spot, contorting yourself in a weird way or randomly moving pieces of iron through the air.

  3. Gyms are way weird. They’re like churches. I avoid them at all costs. Plus people look weird in gym clothing. Bottom line, gyms are weird.

    And yes, I never got that stair machine thingo. Like, why would you want to walk up stairs. Stairs are everywhere; I don’t get why someone would want to pay money just to walk on some electronic stairs. It must be a new religion, a bit like how Kabbalah was the new trend.

  4. wendy – well gyms are ok.. its the people that go to the gyms that are weird.

  5. Ha ha haaaaaa…parabolical…! I can’t see the bottom picture 😦

  6. refresh it… I can see it!

  7. Yeah, no bottom pic. Elipticals mimic the motion of running, but without the same impact on your knees. Also with less of the boob-sagging phenomenon seen from regular running. So….don’t be gay by using them, just appreciate their neccesity for us chick folk with non-saggy boobs. Gym equipment I use: sweet fuck all, because I am lazy and have better things to do like smoke pot and watch cartoons. Sure, I could probably stand to lose a few pounds, who couldn’t? But as long as your waist is smaller than your T&A, I figure it’s all good, right? Haven’t heard any complaints so far. See you at the ice cream parlour, suckers!

  8. LOL, shit Em, that’s a good comment!

  9. Holy fuck dude. This is your best blog ever. And your pictures are becoming better and better. You’re about the take all my customers.

  10. bronson – dude my pics will never compare. sometimes i have to re do them because they are so horrible that no one would even know wtf i drew. sometimes people still don’t.

  11. Hahaha, both red-haired girl and blue-haired girl look like dumb-fucks with idiot-smiles 😉

    I work out in my basement because I’m of the mind that no one should see me working out until I’m at my physical peak of hotness..yeah I’ve been saying that for two years…I might just actually stop working out, and maybe cut off a limb as a way of reducing my body weight.


  12. Ha! Thanks Talea. You know I’m just jealous of your skinnier-than-mine ass, but it’s all good. (Just don’t get me too jealous, I do have that pic of you with the giant Toblerone…and yes, I realize that I was the one who actually ate it, but you can’t see that in the photo.)

  13. The parabolical – that is the most hi-lay thing I’ve ever heard. Don’t give in. Just because the parabolical makes you burn more shitty calories than a treadmill, don’t give in. Guys look desperate when they’re riding that thing.

    The parabolical – I’m still laughing at that. I’m calling it this from now on.

  14. I used to come here because I loved hearing you bitch. Now I love your art.

    I always hated when people would put the incline on a treadmill on and then try to walk on it at the same angle of the incline, hanging on for dear life.

  15. romi – at home I work out in my basement. i really wish i had a basement here. i’d get a parabolical and just record videos of myself on it.

    green – I really want to have sex with you.

    abarclay – fuck yeah. oh and you never recorded me that sneeze. you think I forgot about that?

    sexual – thanks. dude if i ever saw a kid on an inclined treadmill, i’d probably just stare at him like a creep until he did it the right way.

  16. Haha, those suckers at the gym are working their asses off for NOTHING!!! All you have to do is be a sassmouth, and watch the good times roll in.

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