Archive for January, 2008

hottest campus police report ever?
January 25, 2008

I usually don’t sway from my negative writings about life, but this is an exception.  This was sent to everyone at my campus:

This morning at approximately 8:50am, a student reported she was inappropriately touched by another female in the north stairwell located in the Hugh Carey Building. The unidentified female appeared to be 18 to 21 years-old with wavy blonde hair; wearing a dark-colored waist-length coat, and black-rimmed glasses. This incident remains under investigation and the Monroe County Sherriff’s Office is advised.

is that not the hottest police report ever??


Awkward moments at college.
January 25, 2008

I have no idea why, but I’m always getting myself into awkward moments when i’m at college. Here are my favorites…

1. Waiting for class to start – if i’m early to class, I sometimes like to go to these tables with these comfortable chairs and wait a little bit. I usually try to pick a table where no one is, but apparently no one else does that. The awkward thing about these tables is that the chairs face eachother (like i’m on a date) so sometimes random people sit directly across from me. I usually try to think of something to say if its a female, but usually can’t think of anything great.

2. Printing stuff from the computer lab – We have a quota of how many pages we are allowed to print so we usually go up to the lab attendant and say “can you release the print job for YOUR USER NAME HERE” and they do it. Anyway, one time I was in a rush and just went up to her and told her my user name. she said what? and I said it again. She told me she didn’t understand me. I then realized I just went up to her and told her a bunch of random numbers and letters.

3. Leaving class early – One time I was in a class with a friend and I told him I was going to leave as soon as the professor turned his back. So I did, but I ended up kicking a chair as I walked out and everyone looked up at me as I clumsily left the classroom.

Gym Rant (continued)
January 13, 2008

Since I love making lists, i’m going to list everything I hate about my college gym.

1. Douche bags – Yes, every college has their share of douchebags.. and where do douchebags go when they aren’t drinking beer and shouting “Spring Break!!!”? THE GYM. They are all over. There are these two guys that we call none other than “the douchebags” and they pretty much live at the gym. The weird thing is that they never look any stronger and its been like 3 years. Get a new routine, gentlemen.

2. Sluts – Alright, i’m all for girls wearing skimpy clothes. Its HOT. But shit, if you are going to have your ass hanging out of your shorts, put a fucking towel on the seat that you sit. I don’t want to be sitting in your skanky ass juices when i’m trying to bulk up. On a second note, do more bending over on the mats. I love that.

3. Loud ass music – I know the music at the gym is supposed to get everyone pumped and all that. But seriously, our music is so fucking loud, I can’t even talk to the person next to me. Its not like Jock Jam shit either, its like hardcore death metal. Not everyone wants to hear screaming the entire time they are trying to work out. I’m running out of aspirin.

4. Pedophile guys – If you are an adult male that wants to work out at a college gym, don’t look like a pedophile. We have this one guy we call “Chimo”. That is short for “child molester”. This guy wears purple shorts and a tie dye shirt. Basically, his work out consists of sitting on a bench, chewing gum, and staring at everyone. That is some creepy shit buddy. Either work out or get out. I don’t want to find my ass up on youtube cause you were secretly recording it with your cell phone.

5. One upping people – It happens all the time. I’m doing 2 plates.. the guy next to me does 3 plates. I’m doing 3 plates, the guy next to me does 3 and a little more. Dude seriously. I hate you.

6. Locker room cocks out – I realize its a locker room and all but shit. theres no reason to walk around the locker room for a half hour with your cock out. I realize its your chance to show it off to other dudes and all, but knock it off and put that thing back in its cage. No one wants to see that… besides chimo and maybe Romi.

7. “How many sets you got left?” – People ask that question to show they are eager to get on the machine you are using. I usually make up a number and see what they do. Last time I told him I was going to do 2, see how I feel, and do another 7. That pisses them off.. The thing is that most of the time, the average person does not spend more than 10 minutes doing a single exercise.. so if you can wait on average 5 minutes, you should not need to ask that.

Ahhhh that felt good!