Complicated foods

I may be the minority here, but it pisses me off when people think good food has to be complicated.  For instance, my parents have some weird fascination with casseroles.  Basically, they pile a whole shitload of different food into some sort of square pot thing, then they somehow get a crust to form over it and then they serve it.   Basically, it looks like a 5 year old just stuck his hands in their and mashed it all around and then gave it to me to eat.

Me:  Hey Dad what is in this?

Dad:  Its a casserole jay.  There is cheese, green beans, avocados, horseradish, milk, potatoes, and ham. Then I marinade it for 5 hours and then I bake it for 3 more hours and then I put salt, basile, red pepper flakes, green bean almondine, spaghetti sauce, and a pinch of parmesan cheese on top.

My sister:  This is really good!

Me:  …do we have any hamburger patties left?

Want to know what one of my favorite restaurants is?  Applebees.  Does their food lack flavor?  Nahh but I know what the hell i’m eating.  If it looks like steak, its steak.  If it looks like fries, its fries.   Don’t serve me fucking casserole pot pie alamode.

Now lets do a pictorial comparison…

 Figure 1.3  Casserole Alamode with Crazy Color combos

 Figure 1.4 Hamburger

The choice is clear. Clearasil.


19 Responses

  1. I love how the burger has a heavenly glow cast upon it.

  2. Ha, agreed! Wholeheartedly.

  3. Wow, that hamburger DOES have a heavenly glow. Awesome.

    Your parents spend that much time cooking something like Figure 1.3? I understand if it was turkey for the family, but all those hours JUST for Figure 1.3?!

  4. OK wendy, i admit my description was a little bit of an exaggeration but my dad is hardcore about making food. he does most of the cooking cause he is real into trying different foods for some reason. And yes he has marinated stuff for 24 hours etc.

  5. Caseroles are tasty, but you can’t go wrong with some simple food. I eat tacos, burgers, and grilled cheese almost every night of the week. Casaroles take too long to make and usually taste like hot cheese or gravy with wet chicken in the middle.

  6. There’s no need to spend that long cooking. A rare steak done for 3 mins on each side is much tastier.
    Spend more time eating and less time making, that’s my motto.

  7. Sautee some onions and throw in some chopped almonds. When all is nice and toasty, roll some goat cheese in it to cover the cheese chunks in sauteed/toasted deliciousness. Dump it onto a bed of arugula, and drizzle on some 1/3 lemon 2/3 olive oil dressing. Simple. Like ten minutes. Looks complicated. Delicious. BAM!!!!
    (Hey, I gotta get something for people always mispronouncing my name as ‘Emeril’. Fucking bastard.)

  8. I like ALL food. As long as there is no mayo or miricle whip or any of that shit on it, I’ll eat it.

    And around these parts (Minnesota) we mostly call cassarolls, Hotdishes. I don’t know why. We just do. Or maybe it’s just me.

  9. King Steve: I’ve heard the term “hot dish” too! Sometimes I think that Minnesoteans and Canadians are not that different (LOL…you can say “EXCUSE ME? WTF?” to that if you want 😉 )

    And Pessimist: I don’t like the idea of some kid mashing up my food with his grubby hands before I eat mom used to try her hand at “casserole” back in the day (’cause she liked to be like “white folk”, lol…), but anytime that happened I would just say “yo, where’s the butter chicken?”… 😉

  10. sexy green – I’d eat that stuff because its not too much ingredents, but i don’t think i’d make it cause it seems complicated. BAM! 🙂

    king steve – yeah too much mayo is plain nasty. i dont like a lot of butter either or anything like that.

    romi – I like that tandori chicken. that is osme good stuff. I also like curry chicken with basmati rice. yeah tell your mom to stick with what she is good at and not make casseroles!

  11. Romi, some guy I talked to called Minnesota…Canada’s cock. Which would make me Canada’s sperm. I don’t think that’s a good thing.

    Pessimist – Dude, it’s all about the hot sauce.

  12. No, see it only SEEEEEMS complicated. And then all of a sudden your friends think you can cook and you look hella awesome. Girls love a man who can cook, or at least fake it. BAM!

    And sorry Steve, I don’t think we notice Minnesota enough to consider it our cock. I know Hamilton is the armpit of Ontario and Owen Sound is the asshole…but I don’t know of any cock. Perhaps Canada is female? It sounds like it by the representation in this little corner of the blogosphere.

  13. That casserole looks hideous but it prolly tastes ai’ight.

    Dammit I was looking for a little more anger.

  14. yeahh i couldnt be too angry cause my family makes this stuff. if it was other peoples families, i would have more room to be a total asshole lol.

  15. Hmmm…Maybe Minnesota is Canada’s clit then?

  16. HAHA at King Steve! Tell Minnesota to put on some underwear, nobody needs to see that…LOL….

  17. Dude, I’m running to Minnesota with all my toys! Mmmm…maybe not, it’s still Minnesota.

  18. I’m totally with you Jay. I don’t like eating things I don’t really understand. Casseroles are complicated and sometimes people even forget what they put in there. When I first moved into the neighborhood, the neighbors across the street brought over “vegetable enchiladas” (first of all, why vegetable? wtf? I like meat). The lady started explaining the 58 things that were in it, and I was repulsed standing there. I like my foods straightforward.

  19. Wow. First off, Pessimist, I just found your blog and I really enjoy it. Secondly, I want to give you fair warning to stay away from Salt Lake City, Mormon headquarters and Casserole and Green Jello capital of the world.
    Unless you want to come to my house – dude, I’ll make you a tater tot casserole that’ll knock your socks off. Only 5 ingredients, I promise. 😉

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