I come across a whole shitload of words and key phrases that piss me off. I’ve spent a good half hour of my work time today compiling this list. I think this is enough for now, but there are definitely more. If I can think of them, I’ll make a sequel entry. OK enough with this BS introduction shit, just start reading already.
from a ___ standpoint – Yeah this makes sense. But shit you can’t just plug in any word you want in here. People throw in the first thing that comes into their minds. “From a hamburgers standpoint, that seems like a lot of ketchup”. WTF did you just say? How did you even get hired. Hamburgers don’t have a fucking stand point. Their standpoint is in my mouth.
guesstimate – This one is really fucking cute. I hear it all the time. They think they are clever cause its a word combo. OMG let me pat you on the head cutie pie. If you ever use this word around me again, I will guesstimate how long it will take me to shove my foot up your ass.
Without further delay – Oh thank you for delaying me further by saying this. Is it necessary? Lets just say you never said this stupid phrase and just started the puppet show. Would I even notice? I hate you.
willy nilly -This just sounds stupid. It’s almost like you are saying some guy’s name but changed it at the last second to be funny. I left work all willy nilly cause I might have had more to do. If you say this phrase, you will have no friends and you will be all willy nilly about whether or not you should go play in traffic.
lends itself well to – Last I heard when you lend something to someone, they borrow it. If you are saying the software lends itself well to documentation, I will assume you mean the documentation has sex with with the software and then pays for it afterward. From an asshole standpoint, I guesstimate that I lend myself well to uppercutting you in the jaw.
keep your eyes peeled – OK KIDS! We are on a safari adventure now so keep your eyes peeled for the elephants! “OK DAD! WE WILL!” You dumb ass kids don’t realize that eyes can’t be peeled. They aren’t fucking vegetables. Here I will show you how to peel a carrot and you can do the same to your eyes. We will see who the smart one is then. Damn kids.
things of that nature – I had a woodshop teacher that kept saying this shit over and over. “There are tools over there and things of that nature” “You need a hallpass to go to the bathroom and things of that nature” “That is a nice piece of hard oak and things of that nature”. Knock it off and carve me a 2 x 4 to slam against your face.
who woulda thunk it? – This is a sentence idiots like to use. I would actually recommend using this because it will be easier for me to judge your intelligence. Who woulda thunk it??
decadent – I hear this shit everytime I see a commercial for a brownie sundae or something. What the fuck does it even mean? Is it a decadent cake? Am I a decadent young man? Is this a decadent commercial. Go fuck yourself and let me eat the decadent brownie sundae you piece of shit.
There will be more words. I promise…