Vegetarians

There is nothing in the world quite like taking a nice juicy hamburger off the grill, placing it between two halves of a perfect shaped bun, pressing down on the ketchup so it flows over the side, and taking a giant bite out of it.  99% of the population would agree with me, but there is 1 percent who do thy devil’s bidding.  These people call themselves:  VEGETARIANS.  

Vegetarians piss me the fuck off for a number of reasons, but first I think we need to narrow it down by definition.

1.  Vegetarians:  Pussies.  They don’t eat meat because they think animals are being killed for no reason.  Well there is a reason:  they taste good. For christ’s sake, have you ever had chicken before?  How could you say that is not good?  Shit, if I could afford to only eat chicken I think I would.   They do however eat animal products, so I guess they aren’t going to hell after all.  My sister falls into this category.

2.  Vegans – These are also called “the untouchables”.  Vegans don’t eat or use any animal products.  That means they don’t eat honey, they don’t drink milk, and they don’t use soap.  It is easy to find a vegan because they hang out at Barnes and Noble and read stories about animals running in valleys or shit like that  They like to socialize with other Vegans but they refuse to talk to normal meat-eating humans.  The word Vegan even looks like the word “Vagina”.  That is not a coincidence.

Now that you know the different types, lets get on with some pictures of them.

Figure 1  Non-Vegetarian Couple

The above photo depicts a normal NON-vegetarian couple.  I’d say about 95% of the population look similar to at least one of the people in this photo.  And you can clearly see that they are healthy and having fun! Meat eating people love to have fun and look very happy and smile a lot.  This is due to the healthy level of protein they ingest through hamburgers and the like.

And now for the Vegan:

Gruesome! WTF is up with those arms?  Well the fact is that vegans don’t get enough protein to build muscle so their bodies tend to deteriorate.  Because vegans look so unpleasing to the eye, they tend to remain single all their lives which is why there aren’t photos of vegetarian couples.  The above vegan is in attack position because he or she (its hard to tell due to the advanced state of veganism) has been offered a hamburger.

Conclusion:  Meat tastes good. Why would you not eat it?

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35 Responses

  1. i’m number 1!! woo hoo!

    I loved this post. being a huge carnivore myself, i think the more meat the better. the only thing better than meat is meat wrapped around other meat. I had a bacon wrapped fillet last week and there was blood all over my plate. i felt like a fucking cavegirl with a bone in my hair. and i fucking loved it!

  2. Hahaha, I don’t know anyone that wouldn’t find this post hillarious…except maybe a vegetarian. ; )

  3. Loved this post. But my favorite line (besides “pussies”) was this one: “It is easy to find a vegan because they hang out at Barnes and Noble and read stories about animals running in valleys or shit like that.” I laughed hard at that. I’m going to Borders after school today and if I see any vegans hanging out in the animal section, I’m going to kick one of them.

  4. why don’t you do something beneficial for the world and your community instead of making little online hissy fits that aren’t really intelligent or witty.

  5. Agreed. In fourth year uni, I lived with a vegan. She was the most unhealthy person I have ever known. I have my suspicions she was a stripper too, but I digress.
    Anyhow, due to her refusal to eat anything that had at one point cast a shadow, she ate five things. Soy grilled cheese sandwiches, noodles, cool ranch doritos (apparently these have no dairy?), chinese food and semen.
    Seriously, the girl was a whore.
    Enough said. Vegans = whores.

  6. I know that this is just a “bitch” blog and meant to upset people, but seriously, tone down the ignorance a little.
    All vegans are sickly and unhealthy you say? Check this out: http://www.veganbodybuilding.com/ . There is a lot (I mean tons) of information on the net about the health effects of veganism and vegetarianism. Do your research (It makes you smarter.) 🙂

    Talea commented “…due to her refusal to eat anything that had at one point cast a shadow, she ate five things. Soy grilled cheese sandwiches, noodles, cool ranch doritos (apparently these have no dairy?), chinese food and semen..”
    I think we know why she was sickly. It was because she ate crap, not because she was vegan!

  7. joebec – i’ve had those too. from omaha steaks? those are incredible. I love letting the juices run down my face as I scream with delight.

    abarclay – yeah vegans are always there from opening to close. but you might have to do more than just kick them. they WILL fight back.

    talea – cool ranch doritos definitely are made with sour cream. so she definitely is not a real vegan… thats even worse. a vegan who isn’t actually vegan. I would love to fill her mouth with my semen and then punch her in the jaw. stupid veg.

  8. ariell: Why don’t you go climb a tall tree, sit on a branch, and saw it off. Just cause the little mermaid has the same name as you doesn’t make you desirable.

    shanny: I love you so much. Stop back anytime. Its especially great when girls like what I have to say.

    kin: I’m not ignorant. That picture is of an actual vegan. Check it out. Just go to your local barnes and noble. Oh yeah, and talea is always right.

  9. Boom! Always right, right here.
    And kinlaso…..thank you. Due to people like you with no sense of humour and an incredible ability to be offended by absolutely everyone’s opinion but your own, we now have this fantastic game called Political Correctness that we all have to play.
    Dude, chill out. Honestly. It’s a joke. This whole blog is a joke. Pet peeves….I’m sure you’ve got a few. Perhaps me by now?

  10. I’m so happy I tagged this post as “vegan” and “vegetarian” 🙂

  11. Meat pretty much fucking rules. I gave up meat for like a month just to see if I could do it. I felt better, but meat tastes too good. I’d rather be unhealthy.

  12. Last week I grilled steaks EVERY DAY…Greatest week ever!!…

    That Kinlaso dude is funny…Did you know Kinlaso, that BODY BUILDING is NOT healthy?….

  13. Mmm, hamburgers…

    Actually, vegetarians are the healthiest, but the reason why they are given a bad name is because many people who want to become a vegetarian don’t do it well because they don’t have the knowledge. But why would you want to do that?

    In my experience, I have had bad experiences with vegetarians/vegans, who always shove their opinions down my throat and are always telling me what you typed in your blog: “They don’t eat meat because they think animals are being killed for no reason.”

    Yeesh, if there were no meat eaters, Earth would be overrun by cows and sheep and all the like, so what are the vegetarians going to do if we don’t exist? Plus it’s not like cows/pigs/sheep are becoming extinct anyway.

  14. sexualtrex – i think they consider red meat to be unhealthy but what about chicken and fish? its 7 am and i am already craving meat.

    king steve – Dude i wanna do the same thing but I don’t have that kind of money yet. But filet mignons every night sound pretty good.. I went to that veganbodybuilding.com site and almost threw up. thanks for posting kinlaso.

    Wendy – I’m sure meat eaters can also be healthy so I wouldn’t say vegeterians are any more healthy. The ones i’ve seen sure as hell don’t look it. If you want to be a vegetarian for health reasons, do it.. but if you are worried about murdering fish then wtf. its all a part of nature.

  15. Kinlaso needs a kicking.. then again set him up in a room with Talea and she will probably do it just for fun.

  16. I have a lot of rage. Haha. Plus, this kinlaso did is a boob. He’s probably left-wing too by the sounds of it. Ass kicking time indeed.

  17. Woops. I mean dude, not did. Way to look tough Talea.

  18. Guys this is a lot of fun. I need more controversial topics.

  19. Yo pessimist: why did you put up a pic of my vegan ex-BF on your blog? Why didn’t you ask for his permission first? Well…he probably wouldn’t have heard you anyway, since his ears fell off from lack of protein…but ANY-HOO, just because he’s emaciated and has a “skin-covering-face” problem, it doesn’t mean he didn’t know how to love!! 😦

    PS: and now the world is wondering: “Romi, why did you and “Ambrosia” (his vegan hippie name, meaning “food of the gods”) break up?”

    Why?

    He didn’t use soap people; seriously, fuck off if you’re not gonna use soap (but I still love you like a brother “brosy” 😉 )

  20. Romi I am sorry. He was just the perfect example of a vegan. I scoured the net for hours trying to find the perfect specimen and he fit the description. He should feel honored.

    Ambrosia was a true fighter through his veganism and hopefully scientists will develop a cure for it.

  21. Okay, this is going to be the best reply ever, because I am a vegetarian. And all I want to say to vegetarians out there is FUCK OFF!!!!!! Seriously, fuck off!

    You know why I don’t eat meat? Because I’m not a huge fan of it, and it was just easier to cut it out of my diet. Sure, sure, the conditions animals are kept in kind of gross me out, but I’m damned sure that half of my toothepaste and cosmetic products were tested on a bunch of kittens. There is no way in fuck I’ve got time to research everything before I throw it in the basket during my hurry home to my veggie burgers. Also, meat doesn’t like me very much, so…yeah.

    Do I lecture people at restaurants? No! Do I give a look of disgust? NO!!! Just because I’m a vegetarian doesn’t mean I have to turn the fucking world vegetarian. Hello? Freedom of speech/morals/blah blah blah goes both ways. I’ve choses not to eat meat, you’ve chosen to eat meat. Yay.

    Vegetarians: fucktards.

  22. Hahahaheeheehee…sorry…love this post. Yes, I must admit, I did go the vegetarian route for a stint, then I became pregnant and whadayaknow, I was freakin’ craving meat. So much, in fact, that as I was driving through the countryside a strange urge came over me – I pulled over to a pasture, grabbed a cow and gnawed its leg off. Not the finest piece of meat, but shit, have some protein folks!!!

  23. greenmetropolis I totally commend you! As I said in my post, I have a sister who is vegetarian and I also have vegetarian cousins. I don’t really have a problem with it.. I just don’t like it when people “act” vegetarian and preach about how i’m murdering animals and stuff. I really want to give you a pat on the back for your comment because this is something that a lot of vegetarians and vegans need to realize. so thank you!

    2lazydogs, thank you. It just goes to show that meat tastes so good, its damn hard to go without it. shit, I’d take a bite out of a cow too if I went that long without meat.

  24. no prob kiddo. do you know how offended a vegetarian would be if you tried to convince them to eat meat? that’s exactly how offended i would expect an omnivore to be if i got all preachy up in their ass. if you were interested in learning the facts about produce farms and cruelty and blah blah blah, you’d go fucking do it yourself. pamphlets are a waste of trees. and there is no way either camp is going to convince the other. so appreciate your choice in the matter and move on to something else. like abortion. that’s always a good topic.

  25. I wouldn’t call myself a vegetarian, but i dont really eat meat.
    why?
    because i think it tastes like crap, much like some might think of broccoli (which i like)
    eat all the meat you fucking want, thats just me, besides all the meat people eat (especially in america) is fucking grown FOR THAT REASON.
    so yeah, I have no animal obligation, i just think it tastes bad.

    except bacon, cause you know, bacon’s like its own food catagory.

    right?

    right?

    bacon…mmmmm…*drool*

  26. yeah bacon is some good shit. but meat does NOT taste like crap. mmm beef

  27. Fuck them. Vegetarianism is a load of bullshit, because countless innocent field animals get killed by the various giant farming equipment used to harvest vegetables. If my math holds true, we actually kill less animals by eating meat raised for slaughter.

  28. Hahahahahaha! Truely the most epic post ever. I really hate the ways Vegetarians have ruined our society. I went to Carl’s Jr. earlier today. I looked at the menu, and came across the vegetarian six dollar burger. No bun…no meat…salad, tomatoes, and pickles. What the hell!? Way to ruin a perfectly well made burger, vegans. You ruin everyday of life.
    Awesome post. Finally someone who agrees.

    Loco

  29. They think they’re doing themselves and the environment a favour. Last time I checked, cows generate a lot of methane, and plus carting around vegetables for those guys isn’t making things any better. But it was argued that if we ate like our ancestors, (yes, cavemen) we would be better off. So yes, a lot of pros and cons to consider.

  30. It’s weird. Meat tastes good to me, but I really don’t eat it all that often. Not that I am a straight up vegetarian, but I just eat earthy shit more often than cow.

    And fuck seafood.

  31. i am now in love with Greenie!! you go girl!

  32. I heart you too joebec! Here’s how awesome I am. Some guy who couldn’t get over the fact that I said “NO” took me out for some big ass expensive dinner…at a fucking steakhouse. Did I kick up a shit storm? No. I was informed of a vegetarian option and enjoyed the free meal and glorious accolades while not batting an eye to his steak. I’m sorry, but kicking people in the proverbial balls will get you free fucking shit. Or free food. You know…whatever gets your rocks off.

  33. ‘Tis true. I eat meat in front of Greenie all the time and she never has lectured me on it. She just understands that I eat it and she doesn’t.

  34. great idea to get comments on your blog. Piss off an already pissy group of people.

    I love it.

  35. Pissy? Not quite. But taking the piss out on these strange people? Yes!

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