Homeless People

It seems every time I’m trying to enjoy myself, they find me. I’m going to the movies-Theres a homeless guy on the curb, I’m at the drug store-one of them is waiting for me at the door, I’m walking home alone at night-one of them jumps out of a garbage can. Matter of fact, homeless people make me so mad that I created a category on my blog especially for them.

Ohh I know what you’re thinking. You saw that episode of Saved by the Bell with the homeless guy at a shopping mall at Christmas time, and he seemed pretty nice didn’t he? Well guess what? He was after Zach Morris’ change. You think i’m pulling your leg or some shit? They can’t show everything in a half hour, and homeless people know that.

Now at this point, I realize I have your full attention. Here’s a little lesson in dealing with homeless people if you encounter one. I could not be any more serious than I am right now. I also like making lists.

#1: Avoid eye contact. The homeless know you are interested in giving them your hard earned change as soon as you lay eyes on them. Don’t fall into the trap. If you do, you won’t be able to use a pay phone or buy a pack of gum or something later. Yeah and guess who will be making that call… or buying that pack of gum.. No, not the homeless guy cause he will be using your change to purchase crack, ok? They don’t chew gum. They don’t even have teeth, for Christ’s sake.

#2: Keep your coins from bouncing around. Do you really think they can’t hear that shit from a mile away? They can easily distinguish the sound of loose change, and when they hear it, they see rainbows, angels, and fairies. Don’t mess this one up. Your money is on the line here.

#3: Throw out all food that you do not eat. The homeless are sort of like bears at a camp site. They will smell your value meal and will probably try to take it using whatever method is necessary. Do not attempt to feed them! They will come back.. and in larger numbers. Theres no way in hell you will have enough money to buy them all value meals.

If you follow these rules.. and avoid homeless people, you can fill up one of those big ass 5 gallon water tanks in your basement full of coins. Then you can take it all to Coinstar and get a cool amazon.com gift certificate. It’s worth it because a new Wii game is way better than feeding a few homeless people.

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23 Responses

  1. Hahhaha…totally laughed my ass off; I encounter homeless people every day; I often buckle under the eye-contact and give them change, but I learned a lot of lessons here..and YES, for many years, I was brainwashed by that episode of Saved By the Bell with the homeless man: “oh”, thought Romi, “All homeless men are just nice fathers to teenage girls who have beards and wear old man cardigans, and who shave in the public washrooms so they can get job interviews”…lol…

    PS: fave quote: “They can easily distinguish the sound of loose change, and when they hear it, they see rainbows, angels, and fairies.”…LMAO… 🙂

  2. I fucking HATE homeless people….

    I just went to the mall today to buy some new shoes (which will be featured in my new blog tonight) and there were homeless people EVERYWHERE!!!…I wanted to run them over with my car, but I didn’t want to get my car dirty…

  3. OK…I’ll admit it, I used to get sucked in till one day I was handing this “homeless” old bat some change and realized that she had a fresh set of French tip nails! No more change for the homeless for me now…

  4. Ha! “They will smell your value meal.” That is funny. (Plus, I laughed out loud at the quote Romi liked). I was going to tell you to check out King Steve’s post on how he hates being accosted by obnoxious boy scouts when he’s on his way to the grocery store, but I see he loves your blog as well and he’s already been here today.

    I will utilize these tips the next time I encounter anyone homeless. I’m not ok with the homeless.

  5. thanks guys. it makes me happy to know all of you are as messed up as I am. King Steve’s blog with the boy scouts inspired me to write this!

  6. Dude, we are kindred spirits. I too hate the homeless. I have very little pity for most of them. Some might be legit, but seriously get a fucking job. Oh, but working was no fun, so I stopped going. Big deal! I hate my job too! But I do it!
    They don’t even have teeth! HAHAHA. Awesome.
    I NEVER give change to the homeless. Never. The only person I’ve ever given change to was a guy playing the bagpipes….cuz come on, if you aren’t going to support bagpipes, what’s the point of living?
    Fucking homeless. Taking up my sidewalks and writing stupid signs that they think are funny.

  7. OK… if you are a street performer, at least that is contributing something to society. So Talea, I gotta agree with you giving them money if they are entertaining.

    I love how there are so many people on this site that are as non-PC as I am. so fucking awesome.

  8. I am actually not as pissed about homeless people as some. A good number of them have mental disabilities and society just sort of dropped them off without care.

    With that said though, I still avoid most of them. Another awesome way to avoid them is by pretending you’re on your cell phone. That way you can just wisk them off and they usually understand.

  9. Nice one.. i’ll try and remember that.

  10. Just to re-iterate, I love how people have realized so very damn quickly how cool your shit is ;-), and yeah, people around these parts are VERY NON-PC, hence why you’re such a nice addition 🙂

    Okay, that was my “I dont wanna fucking work” office-break…back to the nonsense! 🙂

  11. I actually thought at first that this last post might have been too much for you guys since i’m sort of new. Its good to know it wasn’t and that I can open the door to even more f’d up things… 🙂

  12. Man Romi, I am on always on my “I don’t wanna fucking work” break.

  13. I am the most politically uncorrect person I know. And I’ve surrounded myself and consequently you with other ‘PC is BS’ types. Feel free to vent Jay.

  14. why thank you

  15. Woo!…I’m an inspiration!…Or something like that…

  16. great advice!

    and hey, i like making lists too! wow! how cool are we?

  17. Same goes for those people we, the denizens of Oz, like to call “Bananas” even though they are of a way darker colour. They roam in packs with alcohol during the eve of twilight, earlier in the afternoon however, they occupy themselves and their “pack posse” by picking fights or scavenging for a dollar. Next time, if they ask you for a dollar, you ask them for a dollar, they’ll be scampering off in no time! Oh, and bring the pepper spray, folks.

  18. For mentioning that Saved By the Bell episode, I have to give you big props. Here they are…

  19. I work in a retail store close to downtown and the homeless people area, however, I’ve never been asked for money from those guys. I see them pushing carts digging garbage bins but they never bother me. One day, there was a girl at her 20’s came into my store, not poorly dressed, told me that she just moved here from Toronto but the carrier transferred her luggage to a different Province; that she hadn’t been shower for 3 days; that she’s a farm girl and she never lies, all she needed was $12 so she could check in a hotel and have a shower; promised that she would bring the money back and on and on.
    I knew better she was lying but I gave her $20…for the brilliant story she made up…stupid me, will never do this again.

  20. I have no pity for homeless people we’re in this class that we have to write nice things about hobos but I don’t want to I think it’s their own falt their homeless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Haha, I been homeless in my car for 2 months, this is not a laughing matter, actually I really laughed at the “when ur change rattles they see rainbows and fairies lol” but dude get real not every single homeless person is on drugs or has no teeth, I got all my teeth, I’m drug free, I contribute to society 6 out of 7 days 8 to 5. For real stop stereotyping “the homeless” ppl fall on luck sometimes like I said I been in my car for over a month now I’m 22 yrs old and I have to much pride to tell any of my friends or family, u know why I don’t tell ppl I’m homeless and sleeping in my car? Because YOU and everyone else in society will judge me and frown opon me… stop judging these ppl. If there on drugs then yes laugh away I don’t care caz drugs are lame and that’s their own problem. But homelessness should be judged on a case to case bases. Like me for ex. 22 graduated hs, date a wonderful girl for over 2 yrs now, have a great job (no credit that’s why I’m fucked right now so I have to pay cash for an apartment) I drive a mazda rx7 own a 500 dollar cellphone pay for gas pay for food, don’t ask no one for shit. But ur gonna judge me bro? Na dude its ppl like u who fuck up society, ppl who don’t have a heart. Judge me. How bout I race whatever pos u have for ur bed lol, ul be sleeping in ur car then ul be “the homeless” I rather be homeless than be fucked up in the head like most of u. I’m not hating on u I’m just saying, don’t judge ppl by how much money they make.

  22. Wake up & smell the recession- it on its way!
    It s gonna make a lot more people homeless!
    Maybe someone you know.
    Maybe you.

  23. Im in shock!!!! how can so many people think like this??? I am a single 21 year old mom going through college and yeah economy is pretty bad right now but come on you all prefer to buy gum with that change instead of helping someone else, thats really sad!!!! It sounds like most of you dont know but alot of this people are Vets. they fought when they were younger and unfortunally went down thanks to the drugs…. not everybody is as strong. For the people that might not know how it is in war, will let me tell you… you see dead people everywhere you go, you have to kill little kids to survive and sad enough the goverment issues the drugs so that the soldiers can put up with all the crap. Now it might not happen like this nomore but do some research and you will find out if i am lying or not. So ones the soldiers are not needed we forget about them. NOW!!!! dont get me wrong there are lots out there that just dont want to work and wanna live through the working people like us…well…dont give them money… buy a meal for them, a gift card or give them a job. We are all brothers either you like it or not. We all have the same Father and please get a Bible and go to Saint Matthew 22:37-40 The One who gave his life for us said it not I. Hope it helps so you can see my point of view….You all have a Bless Coming Year!!!

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